It's Always Sunny in McDonaldland - Night 01/Day 02

[godhole]

[ At some point Dennis herds Mac and Dee into his dressing room. Don't worry, he's already smuggled in plenty of liquor. ]

So here's what I'm thinking — and I'm going to need you to stick with me here, keep an open mind, because what I'm about to say is probably going to sound worse than it is — but I really think we should just kill somebody.

Comments

[laterboners]

[ Clearly Dee doesn't think this sounds all that crazy. ]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Honestly, I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking it.

[godhole]

Oh, good, I'm really glad to hear that. It's hard to be the first one to say it out loud, you know?

[laterboners]

Right? I know. I considered saying something before but eeeeeh... I'll say this though, I am not getting fried to death or killed by a teenager. That's not how this is going to go down. We need to be proactive. Really get on top of this.

[godhole]

I'm right there with you, Dee. Right there with you. Now's the best time to strike! With everybody else voting for this Ticky character, we can just swoop in and off whoever we like.

[laterboners]

Mmmm. Mmmhmm. [ Nodding. ] I like that line of thought, Dennis. Preferably someone with no friends, right? A real rando. Someone who wouldn't make it far in the voting anyway. I mean really, it's sort of a favor when you think about it.

[godhole]

And then it's not traceable back to us! You can't get that thrill of anonymous murder if somebody traces it right back to you.

[laterboners]

That's what I was thinking! I was thinking that! [ A beat. ] So were we going to go for like, stabbing? Because I definitely cannot do that.

[laterboners]

[ SOMETIME LATER ]

I hate to admit this, because obviously I deserve to live, but choosing someone to kill is a lot more responsibility then I was expecting. Kinda feeling weird about it.

[godhole]

I hear you, sis. I'm worried they'll trace my vote back to me, too.

[laterboners]

No, I mean morally, you psycho. But yeah, okay, that too.

[ a beat ]

Fine, well who did you come up with?

[godhole]

Well that Fitzgerald guy, he's a total bitch, right? I could vote for him. And that was good, that felt all right. But then I started thinking, what if somebody saw me yelling at him that he was a bitch?

[laterboners]

See, there's an interesting question. If he really is a bitch, maybe he pissed off other people too. Maybe he's just an easy target.

[godhole]

A valid point, but I'd probably still be a person of interest. You have no idea how tedious that can get.

[laterboners]

[ sometime after the voting results in the privacy of the dressing room ]

Oooooooh shit. This is real bad, Dennis. This is so bad.

[godhole]

How are we the only ones who voted together? I really thought everybody was going to do that.

[laterboners]

[ sort of freaking out ]

I don't know! Don't these people want to live?? They're going to come for us, Dennis! They're calling us murderers!

[godhole]

[ ditto ]

They don't know it was us. All we have to do is play it cool. Can you do that for me, Dee? Can you stop flipping out for five seconds and just play it cool!?

[laterboners]

I don't know! I don't know if I can! Did we seriously just murder that guy? Maybe they're right!

[godhole]

No. No, no, no, no no. This is not our fault. It was fate! It was destiny! It's his own fault for having such a stupid name!

[laterboners]

Okay. What's the plan.

[godhole]

...

...

...

I got nothing.

[laterboners]

[ tapping her foot nervously for a bit before pointing an accusatory hand at Mac paseed out on the couch ]

...you know he has been no help.

[godhole]

How long has he been out now? It's getting ridiculous.

[ walks over and kicks the couch ]

Mac! Hey, Mac! Look alive, will you?

[laterboners]

[ walking up behind Dennis ]

Come on, Mac. Wakey wakey. This shit is serious now.

[godhole]

Get your shit together, Mac!

[ Smacks him, then pauses. After a second, he reaches down and lays a hand on Mac's neck instead. ]





...so Mac's dead.